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Funny Tweets ™
checking your phone to see what time it is and checking it again because the first time you weren't paying attention
Dexter
NEWS: #Dexter's series finale delivered its highest-rated telecast ever & biggest audience ever for an original episode in SHOWTIME history!
Barney Stinson
How I Met Your Mother Season 9 premieres tonight and for that, I request the Highest of Fives! #HIMYM http://t.co/Qb7yoY5qVM
Steve Stifler
I'll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
NFL on ESPN
. @DallasCowboys QB Tony Romo had the highest Total Quarterback Rating in Week 3. -> http://t.co/hc37phcC50
Dexter
The eighth and final season of #Dexter will rank as the series’ highest-rated ever, averaging 6.4 million weekly viewers.